THE HONEY HARVEST

At the Howell Farm honey harvest today, I learned how beekeepers make it happen.

First, the beekeepers open their hives and remove the honeycomb-filled frames. They use smoke to keep the bees docile. This works because when bees sense smoke, they think their house is burning down. They react to this by gorging themselves with as much honey as possible, fearing they might not be seeing another good meal for a while. And the result of this is that they feel so fat they won’t even bother to sting you.

Once the beekeepers have the frames, their task is to get the honey out of the honeycombs. This process involves a centrifuge.

First, take your frame and gently scrape the surface of the honeycomb with a scraper, which grants access to the honey on the inside. Then, take your frame and insert it into a holder inside your centrifuge. Start cranking the centrifuge handle. This sends the frame spinning and your honey splatting toward the outside of the centrifuge container. The honey will slowly drip down the sides until it reaches the bottom, where it is collected in a honey bucket.

Basically, the process is exactly the same as harvesting weapons-grade uranium from uranium gas, except easier.

THE BEAN BEAR

Farmer Rob believes he has discovered a bear’s claw marks in the Market Garden. The alleged track was found among the beans.

I’ve never heard of a bear liking beans, but other evidence also points to a bear:

-Rob also found what he believes to be bear droppings under a nearby cherry tree.

-In the past, black bears have been spotted in the farm vicinity.

I, ever one to question the official story, suggested an alternative: Perhaps a smaller animal with one claw scratched five parallel marks into the dirt.

Now, however, after analyzing the photographic evidence and running it through my crime-solving computer, I believe that Rob is correct. It’s hard to argue with this: